Stable Marriage = Stable Home
In Genesis 2:24, we read, “Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.” From the very beginning, marriage was God’s idea, established before society, government, or even culture. It is the first institution God created, and He designed it to be a sacred covenant meant to serve as the foundation for a stable, thriving home.
A strong marriage provides a home with stability not because it is perfect, but because it is rooted in commitment. Biblical marriage is a covenant, not a contract. A contract is based on mutual benefit and can be broken when conditions (or feelings in this case) change. A covenant, however, is built on faithfulness, sacrifice, and promise—mirroring God’s unwavering commitment to us. When husband and wife choose to covenant themselves to one another, they create a safe and steady environment where love can grow even through hardship.
For children especially, marriage serves as an anchor. A stable marriage offers consistency, emotional security, and a living example of God’s love in action. Studies show the immense benefits of children growing up in a stable two-parent household, specifically with their biological parents. The benefits of a thriving marriage cannot be overstated.
So, knowing all that we know about the importance of marriage, how do we then cultivate a strong marriage? Many of you likely already know plenty of ways you can practically improve your relationship with your spouse right now. For this article, we specifically wanted to think of the long game. How can we build a lasting marriage that flourishes even after the kids have gone and our bodies have started to show the effects of age?
We loved getting to chat with a few faithful couples this month who have been married for just a few years ;) about what has helped keep their marriage thriving.
-Dave and Marie Hicks, married for 27 years, parents to 3
“First of all, this sounds cliche, but one of the most important ways we have kept our marriage vibrant throughout the years has been to put Christ first. Our commitment to our faith has shaped our marriage. It has also given our children the opportunity to see what the purpose of marriage is and what our lives should look like as followers of Jesus. We believe our lives should revolve around doing the work of Christ as lived out in our church and community, so it was important for us to have our ministry be more than just our kids. We have always prioritized investing in our local church and serving together outside of our home. We felt like this united us even as our children have grown and left the house.
Secondly, over the years we were intentional to prioritize our marriage over our children. We didn’t allow our kids’ activities and demands to take center stage. This started when our kids were small (not allowing them to interrupt when we were having an important conversation, protecting times where we were spending intentional time together and teaching them how to entertain themselves during this time) and progressed as they got older into how we organized our time and calendars. Date nights were a regular part of our rhythm, even when we couldn’t afford to do anything fancy.
Finally, we have committed to working on our relationship over the years. We have made it a priority to spend time getting to know each other better, asking questions, seeking to grow in areas like reconciliation, compromise, forgiveness, and communication. At the end of the day when the kids leave, the thing that people don’t want is to look up and not know the other person they have lived with for the last 20+ years. We all long to be able to say that we have a strong relationship and that we are thriving. It’s an investment over time, but it’s the daily deposits into that relationship that truly matters.”
The following is written by Chris Blue after Ted Quilligan’s recent memorial about the lessons of family and marriage learned from Ted’s 100 years of life.
“Dr. Quilligan was a doctor and dean, who lived to be 100, had six children and was married for 74 years. He was never the loudest voice in the room but when he spoke, people listened. He was the head of OB/GYN departments at Yale, UCI, and USC, is a cofounder of the fetal heart monitoring, and served on medical boards well into his ninties, but never once did his brilliance outweigh his humility.
He has great friends and loved his job, but family was his greatest treasure. His wife was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s years before she passed. Each day Dr. Q would go feed her lunch and she would remark, “One day, I’m going to marry that Ted Quilligan.”
This man modeled generational love and built something that is outlasting him. He was interviewed by a pastor and friend and left these nuggets:
- Put your trust in the sacrifice of Jesus, and he will be there always to secure your soul.
- You are better than no one so respect everyone.
- Relentlessly build a friendship with your soul mate, and it will last through all the storms of life.
- Be willing to discuss all differences without rancor, and pay the price to find peaceful ground.
Perhaps the key to leaving a legacy to the next generation is somewhere along the lines of simple acts of devotion, a desire for excellence, trusting God, reaching beyond yourself, and laughter.
Changed lives are our greatest legacy. Changed lives are the gifts that truly keep on giving, generation after generation. No matter how seemingly insignificant our own lives, we achieve significance through the lives that we touch for good. And never are our lives more significant than when the lives we touch are brought to know Christ. For at that point lives are not simply changed, but transformed.”
-Larry and Sandra Senior, married for 64 years, parents to 3 children, grandparents to 2, great-grandparents to 5 (soon to be 7)
“I think that part of creating a marriage that endures is embracing the different seasons that come throughout your lifetime together. God does not want us to be bored; He provides different experiences for us as the years go by. When we are newly married, we get to learn how to live with another person (all the good and hard that can come with this). There is time to date each other, build a foundation of knowing. No sooner are we adjusted to that routine then little people show up and we have a new challenge of raising children together, discovering new roles as mom and dad, but still growing in our identities as husband and wife. Over the next 20-30 years these little people become big people and find their own vocations, spouses, and homes. One day you wake up to a quiet house and a new identity. At this point you get the joy of navigating another new season together. You now get to rediscover the uniqueness of the person the Lord gave you to share life with. You usually have more time again at this point to explore new (or old) hobbies together. There is also the unique opportunity to help each other do things together that you can no longer do alone. This is also usually a season to experience yet another new role- of being grandparents and even great-grandparents, to watch new little people enjoy exploring God’s creation. Each season brings its own unique challenges and delights, but if you lean into each other and embrace all that each season has to bring, you will have a marriage that flourishes through it all.”
Think you've got what it takes to build a family legacy you're proud of?
