Sometimes in the thick of life, it is easy to become more like roommates than lovers. Life has a tendency to get loud and our days can easily blur together in a flurry of tasks to meet the needs of the household and family, leaving everyone feeling exhausted and stretched thin. You may be in a space where the spark in your marriage feels buried under laundry and logistics. When this happens, here are a few ideas to help reawaken that spark.

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1. Practice the art of surprise and delight-

Whether it’s trying a new hobby or activity together or planning a spontaneous date night, be intentional about looking for ways to have fun with your spouse. Be silly around each other and have fun. There’s nothing like laughter to create a renewed sense of excitement to spend time together.

• Create a silly handshake or an inside joke
• Get artistic together
• Play a game you both love (bonus points if it involves stripping)

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2. Look for opportunities to serve-

‍It can be so easy to fall into a mindset of keeping score when it comes to your spouse. When we decide to serve with humility without expecting something in return, it can soften resentment and tension, opening the door to greater appreciation for each other. Acts of service can also show your spouse that you value and prioritize their needs, which reinforces emotional connection.

• Take your spouse’s car to the carwash and clean it out for them
• Do a chore that your spouse normally does
• Set up an activity for your spouse to do that would bless them (ex. create an at-home spa night for your wife or arrange an afternoon tee-time for your husband)

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3. Prioritize connection-

When life gets loud, it’s even more important to slow down and fight for moments of connection. Pause the checklists, sit down together, look into each other’s eyes, and truly connect. Ask the heart questions or just sit in silence and enjoy one another’s company. Love isn’t just about passion, it’s about presence.

Here are some questions to ponder together:

• What is bringing you joy? What is weighing on you?
• What is something you find yourself continually daydreaming about?
• Who is your closest friend right now? Who do you want to be closer to

4. Revisit the beginning-

Before all the routines, there was a covenant. Two people come together in love to build something eternal. Remind yourselves of this moment. It can be easy to forget that you’re not just co-parenting, you are working together to build a lasting legacy. Share your love story with your kids. It’s important that they see you as more than just their caretakers. They need to witness a love that remembers where it started and keeps choosing each other every day.

• Go back and look at your vows again, reflect upon them together as a couple, discuss what areas you are doing well in and what you can focus on
• Revisit a place that is important to your relationship
• Get out your wedding album and look through it together as a family

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