Marriage is a divine covenant, designed and ordained by God. At the heart of this covenant is faithfulness, a commitment that extends beyond emotional attraction, similar interests, or even the shared role of parenting. Faithfulness in marriage, from a biblical standpoint, is a reflection of God’s faithfulness to His people, and it requires intentionality, grace, and an unwavering dedication to the relationship.

Faithfulness in marriage is a powerful testimony to the world of God’s love and commitment to His people. In an age where divorce rates are high and marriages often break under pressure, a faithful marriage stands as a beacon of hope. When others see couples who remain committed despite struggles, they are reminded of the power of God’s love and the beauty of His covenant with His people. A strong marriage is also the foundation for a healthy family and provides an example for your children that will carry into their own marriages in the future.

Here are a few practical tips to help you remain faithful in your marriage:

• Faithful to forgive

Let’s face it, there are countless opportunities every day for you to either forgive or resent your spouse- for things they do and for things they don’t do. One of the most important ways we can practice faithfulness in our marriage is through our willingness to forgive. 1 Peter 4:8 reminds us to “keep fervent in [our] love for each other, because love covers a multitude of sins.” When we hold onto unforgiveness in our hearts towards our spouse, we threaten the peace of our home and build a dividing wall between us. When you feel that niggling feeling of resentment begin to creep in, pray that God would soften your heart and give you the grace to forgive. If something is bothering you, have a respectful and humble conversation with your spouse about it as soon as you can. Seek clarity and restoration and be quick to own up to any role you might have played in the conflict.

‍

• Faithful to pursue

When you are in a new relationship, it is so easy to pursue the person you are interested in. Everything is fresh and exciting and emotional. You want to put your best self forward and go out of your way to make sure that person knows how much you care about them. After you get married, you may still carry some of that energy into your relationship, but as time passes, things can become more commonplace. You may be in the throes of new parenthood, exhausted and overwhelmed. You might be shepherding teenagers and feeling spent emotionally, leaving little left for your spouse at the end of the day. You might be nearing middle age and feeling the physical weight of aging, leaving you less than enthused about the reflection you see in the mirror everyday. In these moments, it can be difficult to pursue your spouse and yet, these are the moments in which it is more important than ever to remain faithful.

‍

Think about the things you did while dating. Maybe you wrote love letters or planned exciting dates. Maybe you bought them little gifts or were intentional with connection points throughout the day. Can you return to these things and make them a regular rhythm of your marriage?

‍

Think about the way your spouse receives love and be intentional about showing them love in those ways. One practical thing that can be incorporated every day is to be intentional about your hellos and goodbyes. Before you or your spouse leave for work in the morning, look them in the eyes and give them a long hug, let them know how much you love them. The same can be practiced when you are reunited at the end of the day. Stop what you are doing and greet them, share a moment of affection before you move onto the next task. Marriage is meant to be a lifetime of faithful pursuit of the heart of your spouse.

‍

• Faithful to intimacy

Usually when people begin to feel disconnected from one another, the root issue of the problem is intimacy. Intimacy is more than just sexual intimacy, but sexual intimacy in marriage was created for God’s glory and is the glue that unites husband and wife in a one-flesh relationship. Each act of intimacy serves as an embodied reminder of that one-flesh relationship. In their book, The Meaning of Marriage, Tim and Kathy Keller wrote, “Indeed, sex is perhaps the most powerful God-created way to help you give your entire self to another human being. Sex is God’s appointed way for two people to reciprocally say to one another, ‘I belong completely, permanently and exclusively to you.’ [Sex]… is your covenant renewal.”  

‍

Apart from certain seasons of abstinence (postpartum, medical reasons, spiritual reasons, etc), setting aside consistent times for intimacy should be prioritized. But how do you remain faithful in this when feelings ebb and flow and the busyness of life pulls you apart? It may sound unromantic, but sometimes you just need to schedule time for intimacy. Sexual intimacy can sometimes feel like feast or famine. Consistency can be the grounding point that keeps your relationship steady in the midst of the waxing and waning of emotions. Oftentimes even when you’re not feeling “in the mood”, the time of connection will prove fruitful and will foster a desire for more. Additionally, if we are being faithful to pursue our spouses daily, a desire for greater sexual intimacy will typically follow. If we are feeling connected to our spouses emotionally, we are more likely to want to engage with them sexually and the more we engage sexually, the more we will want to pursue them on an emotional and relational level.

‍

The opposite can sadly be true. When we aren’t being faithful to intentionally pursue our spouses on a daily basis, there tends to be less of a desire to engage with them sexually, which will lead to further lack of desire to pursue them emotionally and relationally. In this way, we have the choice to either feed or starve our marriages of intimacy.

‍

Finally, when we are being faithful to pray for our marriage consistently, Christ will be faithful to give us a greater love and affection for our spouse. If you want to grow in intimacy with your husband or wife, pray for them daily and watch how God changes your heart for them and draws you closer to them.

‍