In the spring of 1913, a comic strip entitled “Keeping up with the Joneses” was published in the New York World. The strip, created by Arthur R. “Pop” Moomand, depicted the McGinis family who struggle to “keep up” with their elusive, unseen neighbors, The Joneses. At this point in history, the American family was changing. In the past, social status was largely dependent upon a family’s name; however, social mobility, the rise of consumerism, and access to new conveniences in a post-Industrial Revolution era at the turn of the century gave rise to change. Families were more likely to define themselves by what they owned and the desire for a higher status began to take off. While times have certainly changed since the original comic strip was published, the basic driving force behind “keeping up with the Joneses” has certainly remained.

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“In any and all circumstances I have learned the secret of being content- whether well fed or hungry, whether in abundance or in need.” -Philippians 4:12

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If you look up the word, “contentment”, in the dictionary, you will find the following definition: “the state of being satisfied with one’s possessions, status, or situation”. When we are content with the parameters and circumstances our family finds ourselves in we are free to truly savor our life. But how do we, practically, keep our lives free from comparison and practice contentment in our everyday living?

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Guard Against Comparison

In the “Keeping up with the Joneses” comic strip, the reader never gets a glimpse into the life of these elusive neighbors that the McGinis family tries so hard to keep up with, but it's obvious that they were constantly looking over their fence and comparing their lifestyle, possessions, and status to that of the Joneses. If we take a hard look at our own hearts, I think that we can all relate to some degree or another, especially now that we have access into the homes of thousands of people through social media. It is very easy to fall into the trap of comparison when we look at the lives of others around us. One of the biggest problems with comparison is that it usually breeds discontentment, envy, and self-pity. As a result, we can easily lose focus on the vision we have set for our families and wind up spending our attention looking elsewhere instead of savoring what is right in front of us.

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If you find yourself struggling with comparison or unable to take delight in the specific circumstances your family is in right now, it may be time to place some boundaries around social media use or cut it out altogether for a period of time.

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While social media can certainly be a breeding ground for comparison, it definitely isn’t the only medium for comparison to creep in. Sometimes just being with a group of people can lead to comparison. Comparison can flare up via conversations about our children' s achievements or the size of our home or position in a career. If we aren’t careful to guard our hearts, we can quickly fall into a lifestyle of keeping up with the Joneses. Guarding our hearts isn’t easy, but it is possible and it is worth it.

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Serve Others

One surefire way to guard against comparison is to create margin in your family’s life for consistent opportunities for service. When we shift our focus off of ourselves and onto helping others, it often cures the negative consequences that come from comparison. Instead of discontentment and envy, we can look at our circumstances and possessions through the lens of thankfulness. Instead of self-pity, we can feel at peace with what we have been given. Walking through the hard moments of life with others also serves to join us in community with others, whereas comparison often draws a dividing wall between even the best of friends. Serving others brings the blessing of family into clear focus as we are given a glimpse into the suffering or hardship of another.

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Practice Gratitude

“It is always possible to be thankful for what is given rather than to complain about what is not given. One or the other becomes a habit of life.” -Elizabeth Elliot

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Gratitude can seem like a bit of a buzzword these days, but it truly is a powerful tool against comparison. When we make it a habit to focus on the things in our lives that are good, lovely, excellent, and pure, our entire perspective changes. Instead of dwelling on what others have or are doing, we can enjoy the things that we have been given and have vision for what we are being called to. Instead of seeing our lack, we see our abundance and are able to truly appreciate it as such.

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How do we put gratitude into practice? This can look differently for every family, but one idea is to set aside time each day to go around the table and share one thing that everyone could be thankful for that day. It can be as simple as time with friends, a good meal, a book that you are loving, or nice weather for a visit to the park. When we model this for our children, it demonstrates to them how they can find and savor the good in all circumstances. Lately my daughter has come to an age where she has started to complain. The other day she was complaining about the color of the bowl she had been given for dinner (anyone else have similar conversations with their two-year-old?). Rather than argue with her about how the color didn’t matter,, I asked her if there was anything she could be thankful for. To my surprise, she named a few things she was thankful for and didn’t say another word about the bowl. It is amazing how quickly we can stop our comparing and complaints when we shift our focus towards gratitude.

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Remember your vision

In the midst of the mundane, it can be easy to lose sight of the vision we have for our family. When we lose sight of our vision, we can start to drift into habits or rhythms that we didn’t intend to, chasing illusive and temporary goals or achievements. When we are discontent with the season we are in, we might be tempted to rush through it to get to the next instead of savoring each season for what it brings. We may even find ourselves reacting to life’s circumstances instead of responding in a way that is in accordance with the legacy we hope to build. That is why it is so important to keep our vision visible. When vision is clear, there is a natural safeguard against comparison because we are focused on the steps we are taking to move towards that vision instead of looking around to see how others are living. Practically you can keep your vision at the forefront by creating a mission statement or a set of values for your family and posting it in a visible place in your home (for example: near your dining table where you will look at it often). In Deuteronomy 6:7 it says, “You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, and when you walk by the way, and when you lie down, and when you rise.” When you speak of your family vision often and in all circumstances, your children catch on to it and will become excited about it. It will serve to keep everyone accountable as you evaluate what activities you get involved with, what things you bring into your home (entertainment, media, possessions, etc.), and how you spend your time. Instead of trying to “keep up” with another family, you will find a deep contentment and enjoyment of your own life.